I cannot believe it's been months since the baby arrives. I've never imagined that we (all of us, literally) is living in this challenging, unprecedented, and weird time. With the ongoing pandemic, some of my plans are just straight out cancelled, or postponed.
Yes, it's been a radio silence. Not that I intend to be quiet, but motherhood has kept me very busy. It changed me too. Inside out. The hormonal journey that I thought would stop after delivery, apparently did not stop. I am just so god-damn lucky and blessed soul because I am surrounded by a strong support system that encourages me every single minute, hours and days.
After the C-section, there was this physical and emotional struggle. In between keeping myself sane and taking care of the baby whilst enduring the pain from pelvic pain to everything else. The first 3 months is hard, no kidding.
So how's motherhood change me? well, to start with, it makes me learn to know myself better. I manage to select what things are mostly important and focus on them. I try to reach out a balance between my professional life and personal life, ditching out hobbies that may not fit-in my current lifestyle, crossing-out independent projects that I do not have time to complete. Surprisingly, I manage to control my emotion and behaviour too, and that comes naturally. Maybe because being a mother is also about giving good example for my little angel. Gosh, children are magical. Truly, madly, deeply.
So, how's motherhood for me?
1. Be Open Minded
When someone enters motherhood, she will hear many (if not too many) of unsolicited advice from other mothers (or friends, or parents, parents-in-law, even that nosy neighbour 😅😆). Like it or not. There is always be someone who thinks her or his way of parenting is better than yours. That happens to #metoo.
I respect them, I listen to them, but I do not always follow them. Yes, some of their "theories" work out, but mostly those "theories" are complete myths.
A midwife once told me to change the diaper every 4 hours using a cotton that has been dipped with water. Turns out, changing my daughter diaper every 2 hours in a sink with running water is more effective than what that midwife advised. Definitely keep those rashes at bay.
2. Always Learn and Accept Criticism
As a new mother, fret-not of criticism. I learn not take critics personally, even when my dad criticised me of not being handy when my baby cries out loud. Motherhood it's a new thing for me, so I read literature, ask around, discuss with friends about how to do it better, even listen and watch youtube about it. I do not stop learning and accept that other person will always see the flaws in me. That's okay, I know who I am and what I am capable of. It's my life journey anyway, not theirs.
3. Every Child is Different, So Does Parenting
I read about how to stimulate a baby from online and offline sources. Stimulation is good for babies, but do not doo it too much. Holding your 3 month old baby in a standing up position is not impressive, trust me, it kind of worrying. Even if your baby already shows her or his urge to stand up. If someone child can turn her body at the age of 2 months old and my baby cannot, nothing is wrong with my baby. It's not her time yet.
I am grateful that my daughter can achieve most of the things a baby her age should do according to the normal standard. I do not always stimulate her. I let her guide me. If I see her readiness to try new stuff then I give her some activities to stimulate her. No pressure, of course.
For example, when she was still 1 month old I put her on my bed and I gave her a black and white pictures hanging on a stall for her to look at. Then, I moved the object to the right and to the left, her eyes followed my movement. It was a good exercise to train her focus.
As she grow older, I gave her more tummy time activity. The result is amazing, she could roll her body by the age of 3 months. She could also move her body forward to reach whatever object is put before her eyes.
Now she is 9 months old, how time flies. Since she was 6 months old, I introduced her to solid foods. The texture is gradually increased according to her age. But, I never gave my baby artificial sugar or any chemical that is not natural.
If giving your 9 months old baby to try a bit of taste of durian, Martabak, a 5 star hotel welcome drink, is your cup of tea, then do it (by all means). But, sorry it's not my style. I always believe that there is a time for everything.
No hard and fast rule in parenting. Yes, there are so many suggestions from online and offline literature. But, in reality things can turns out 180 degree to the opposite direction from your plans.
4. Taking Control
No I am not talking about taking control of the whole world here. I am beginning to take control of my diet. During pregnancy I gained a lot of weight. After delivery, turns out it's not easy to shed those excess calories off. Thanks to breastfeeding, my appetite soars up even worse than during pregnancy. So, yes I gotta take control of my diet.
Taking control of my diet means changing the old eating habit, which is again, Not Easy. But, if I don't start now, it will be too late. So, no more extra budget for working days coffee (I mean Starbucks and friends). Eat more chicken with vegetables and occasionally read meat and fish.
Slot for exercise? well, this is the thing I am still working on too. Oops, guilty.
5. Support System
I am blessed to have a very strong support system at home. That translates to my mother and my live-in nanny. Okay, as a working woman, I have to admit it's hard not to hire someone to take care of my baby whilst I am working. My mother cannot do that, she is in her sixties, so she better off supervising the helper.
But having a live-in nanny, does not mean my role as a mother stops. Completely not! You know, I train my child's nanny for around 3 months, teaching her my standard of parenting. Oh yes, you have to set out a standard. That also prevails for everyone near me and my child: my husband, my parents, my parents-in-law, my brother and sisters, and my brother and sisters-in-law. A child cannot have a double standard, it's gonna be bad for her upbringing.
6. Never Skip Doctor Appointment
Oh, I am one religious Mum when it comes to paediatrician appointment. I want to make sure my daughter gets all the vaccine she needs and I love monitoring my daughter's development and so happy to find her good rapport. The only downside is I have to witness her crying every time she has her injection. There was one vaccine (i forgot the name) that made her cried really loud (like real loud, everyone on the same floor could her cry) and it really made me feel sad too, I almost shed a tear seeing her in pain.
How's your motherhood journey so far? I am sure you have done a very good job. Remember, there is no hard and fast rule in parenting and every child is unique and different.
Till, next time. Cheerios.
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| Ohana 😀💖(taken when baby Ruth is 6 months old) |
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