Divorce In The Eyes of A Non-Divorcee

A rather sad news landed on my desk of paperless letters (aka email) a few days ago. A dear friend of mine is undergoing a divorce process. Surprised much? No, I was shocked. I could feel tears running down my soft rosey cheeks the moment I read the news. Almost 12 years of marriage, things eventually must be ended this way.

Indeed, this event is sorrowful. But, I won't be sharing a sorrowful note here. In fact, seeing through my friend's divorce taught me valuable lessons in life, especially for an old-fashioned conservative soul as I am. And taught me to accept values that I have never considered before. 

One thing for sure, a divorce doesn't just happen.  It's a nasty necesscity.

Spare your judgment. Here it goes.

Divorce Sucks. It is darn right that a divorce is unpleasant and notorious. The trauma it causes does not pick side. Both parties will seriously be affected including children (if any). So mind our steps when dealing with divorced persons. They can be so complicated and it is our turn to be more accepting and understanding.

 

You've Got to Love Yourself. In a marriage it takes two to commit. When one of them bails out, it is not worthy to wait for that someone. In my friend's case, it's like waiting for a train in a wrong platform. At the end of the day it is okay to leave and find the right one. And walking away, he did.
 

Trust Is Precious So Use It Wisely. Do you know that a relationship is like a champagne glass. If you drop it, it will rupture and break into pieces. No matter how hard you are in picking up, collecting and rebuilding those shattered pieces, you will still see the cracks. So, value, respect and maintain your relationship!

 

Never Cheat On Your Spouse. Cheat is closely related to trust. If you read this post correctly, trust is precious yes? You know what will happen if you get caught cheating. Cheating has a wide term that includes not only adultery, but also lies be it small or big. So don't just sweep things under the rug.

 

Say Sorry. If you get caught cheating on your spouse, do apologise! do it earnestly, wholeheartedly, sincerely! that way it will validate your spouse's feelings and support forgiveness to be effective. After all, to err is human yes? so take a responsibility of your actions and stop creating those silly non-sense, or spreading gossips and do the taddle-tail asking for support. Cause chances are, you will only make things worse!

 

Practice Forgiveness. I know it is easy to say this, but no matter how hard the storm hits you one way or the other you'll have to weather it down too. What's a better way than to start this by forgiving other's mistakes. Most importantly, the one of your own. 

 

Worry Less On What Others Think About You.  The bitter truth reality is people around you will start to talk about you. Some will look down on you, some will loathe you, some will pity you, some will never trust you again, or on the contrary some will admire you for your courage to admit your mistake, some will support your decision and some will pray for you. Whatever is their wanders and thoughts. Worry less, cause it is not their way of life. It is yours and yours only! 

A Second Chance Is Out There. Life does not end after your divorce. The storm might be. But, you need to continue living. So don't stop believing in finding love again. If it does not work out the first time, it does not mean it will not work out the second time. Life is a mysterious journey and I always believe second chance is out there for everybody. It's also free. Go get and grab it. 

Jesus Love You Still. The good news in your case is that even if you experience divorce, it does not change the way He looks at and value you. For He will always be with you no matter what you do. Cause it is not because of what you do, but because of His grace alone. Sola gratia!

Don't Stay In An Unhappy Marriage. If you are with somebody who cannot bring the best out of you or even worse who could bring harm to you or your children, then don't stay with that same person. It's downright clear that you won't find your happiness with him/her. You should pack your things and leave. Stat. There are things that do not deserve your carnage brutal combat.

In the end, do not blame yourself for whatever happens in your life. As some quotes say "to err is human, but contrition felt for the crime distinguises the virtuous from the wicked".